just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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