at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
