Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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