Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
