He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
