How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
