If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
