Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
