dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
