I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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