May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Randomize
