I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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