didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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