But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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