is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
