Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
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Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
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I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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