My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
