im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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