why didn't you poke me back
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
