she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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