i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
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