TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
