By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
