Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
