His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
