franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
