god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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