Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
