saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
