My room smells like vodka and shame
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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