Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
