Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
