Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
