You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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