atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
