There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
it hurts more in the daytime
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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