I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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