oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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