All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
there was a trapeze. enough said
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
