And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
