It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
