never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
