I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
