Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
