If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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