I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
