I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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