YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
