Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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