A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
