I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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