kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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