Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
