My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
