Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
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