shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
