My Higher Power is John Stamos
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
