what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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