And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
