how can u be prego again
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
