READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
