I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
