the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
