whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
