you lied. pity sex is amazing.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
