I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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