i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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