I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
