i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
