Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
