I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
