I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
